Inventor, author, and creative genius Terese Cue, in conjunction with High Arka Funworks©, dba Arken Gallery©, dba High Arka Information Security Agencies©, is proud to announce the completion of its Full Information Security© project.
15 years in the making, the FIS project was established effective January 17, 1997, and final testing concluded as of 5:09 AM Eastern Standard Time on December 8, 2012, effectively vesting for time immemorial copyrights to all possible written works in High Arka Funworks. Representatives from other publishers were unavailable for comment.
What is the "FIS project"? Fifteen years ago, Ms. Cue conceived of all future possible works of intellectual property being streamlined and protected under one banner for the benefit of America and humankind. It was then that joint investors, working through High Arka Funworks, began the project of copyrighting all future written and visual intellectual property. Working with the "English," "Latin," or any variant thereof on the standard American twenty-six letter alphabet, along with fifty potential and implied types of punctuation, including blank spaces, and 10 potential numerals, Ms. Cue and High Arka Funworks determined that, for any potential "space" of a written communication of any kind, there were 86 possible variants. Accordingly, one standard 8.5" x 11" page, with quite trim margins, was calculated to possess 100 character slots per line, with 50 lines possible, for a total of 5,000 character slots per page. Each "page," therefore, possessed 430,000 possible uses, or 11,180,000 possible uses while allowing for capitalization of any or all given letters (26 capitalization variants multiplied by 430,000 pre-capitalization possibilities having been found to result in eleven million, one hundred and eighty thousand possibilities per page).
High Arka Funworks and Ms. Cue began, in 1997, compiling all possible uses of Latin-based languages, adding an additional 100 variations for alphabetical variations used by non-English, Latin-derived languages, to result in 110,180,000 possibilities per page, though of course many improper uses of capitals would also be generated--an acceptable cost.
Setting their goal as copyrighting all potential written works of any length up to a compressed one-million 8.5" x 11" pages, or longer than ten repetitions of War and Peace followed by twenty copies each of the collected works of Plato and Stephen King, with much space left over, High Arka Funworks and Ms. Cue began the arduous process of generating and securely archiving each of the 110,180,000,000,000 (approximately one hundred and ten trillion) possible variations on full-length works, including all potential misspellings, repetitious works, or works consisting of any portion of any page and other, discarded, blank pages. For hobbyists, the first completed work consisted of a million blank pages of 5,000 blank characters apiece, and the final work, authored on December 7, 2012, consisted of a million pages of the lowercase character ñ being used 5,000 times per compressed page.
Any works which matched works copyrighted prior to 2012 were deleted, leaving the vast bulk of archived material, greater than 99%, held by the project's authors.
Many amusing works were also created by Ms. Cue and High Arka Funworks during this time, including the left-justified version of the following poem:
0h >!hhSPhcaA.)((sc3lkgv^35r91 }
As a generous gift in celebration of its announcement of full copyright on the rest of the new works, Ms. Cue and High Arka Funworks hereby release the above poem, entitled "Hippopotamus 3,479-B#" (based on an internal grammar- and character-identification organizational pattern matrix) into the public domain.
Additionally, work number 17,034,886,741, which has since been titled "Full Information Security," contained the full and exact text of this very post, including proper dates. Many versions seemed to anticipate that the copyrighting project would be completed by December 7, but these versions were found to be fictional, and in error. The post as it appears now was already created by Ms. Cue and copyrighted in 2003, along with several variations including one which properly spelled the word "pseudopseudahypoparathyroidism," rather than including a clause which identified the first use of the letter "a" as being incorrect.
The project has now been completed. Whereas notice has been published worldwide in a freely accessible way, and all original works have been created and stored, now, therefore, users of language are under notice that, with the sole exception of works already published in full prior to December 8, 2012, all use of the English language, or translations thereof, including novels, stories, fiction or nonfiction books or works of any kind, scripts, stage- and screenplays, poetry, conversations, correspondence, weblog entries, and articles and essays of any and all kinds, are now copyrighted 2012, Terese Cue, High Arka Funworks© dba Arken Gallery© dba High Arka Information Security Agencies©. Any author, artist, publishing house, agent, journalist, or information disseminator of any and all kinds, who publishes, claims credit for, or makes a profit from violation of these copyrights shall be liable for suit by the copyright holders, if it is demonstrated that any portion of the work was completed, modified, or published subsequent to December 8, 2012.
While a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters have never actually created the full works of Shakespeare, Ms. Cue and High Arka Funworks have recreated them, along with the scripts and/or texts of all possible reviews and critiques of Shakespeare's work, and all possible variations or modernizations of the Bard's work, including all other creative work possible within one million pages. In addition, the first million pages of any works longer than one million pages will, by necessity, be infringing on a pre-existing High Arka Funworks' copyright.
All characters, settings, plots, and associated references of any and all kinds are also copyright 2012 High Arka Funworks and Ms. Cue.
Authors, publishers, screenwriters, entertainment executives, or other agents who believe that they have "created" or "finished" something after 2012, or who are attempting to produce a book, movie, or other creative work, may contact High Arka Funworks directly, and for a minimal processing fee of $99.95 plus s/h, have their potential infringement verified, and may request, for a reasonable fee or partnership arrangement, the license to use the copyright for Ms. Cue's work from High Arka Funworks and Ms. Cue. Paid requests will be handled promptly, and unpaid requests will be denied. Any attempt to publish, market, profit from, or otherwise use one of the copyrights may be vigorously prosecuted at the discretion of High Arka Funworks and Ms. Cue.
Business and personal correspondence which duplicates one of High Arka's copyrights may be permitted on a case-by-case basis, provided that High Arka characters, situations, medical discoveries or scientific advances of any kind, educational papers, business plans, descriptions of patentable inventions, or references shall be deemed flagrant infringements. High Arka may non-exclusively and freely grant revocable licenses to such use with or without notice to or from the said license-holders, without granting license to other users, and without any implied or actual license granted or promised to be granted to any user or users.
What does the future hold for Ms. Cue and High Arka Funworks? High Arka Funworks' project to codify and copyright all potential use of software code, including use that may be performed using new characters rendered using up to a 600dpi scale on a blank template image of 400 x 800 pixels, is in progress, and is expected to see completion in 2014. Accordingly, any software produced after 2014 is expected to be in flagrant violation of High Arka Funworks' copyrights in source code. Records are being kept on the trillions of programs already generated on the next stage of the project, and potentially interested parties may contact High Arka Funworks to determine if their use of any type of source code is already in violation of a pre-existing copyright.
High Arka Funworks is not only interested in the written word, which it already owns, or in software programming, the majority of which it already owns. In addition, using visual rendering programs, a highly detailed 2,500 point color system, along with a finely detailed resolution standard of over 6,000 dots per inch (dpi), High Arka is also in the process of copyrighting reproduction rights for all post-2012 visual art which is equal to, or less than, a diameter of three meters by three meters. As with authors of literature or software, those visual artists who believe that they have "drawn" or "painted" something, or that they have "sculpted" or "built" or "photographed" something which was previously portrayed in a picture owned by Terese Cue or High Arka Funworks, may contact High Arka Funworks directly to discuss licensing arrangements.
Many other versions of this article included another section on "Looking Forward," as well as sections entitled "Hippopotamus," or variants thereof. However, this one was selected for release. The following disclaimer does not alter in any way the copyright ownership interests discussed above.
This is where property takes us: to a stilling of possibility. Once humans believed they could segregate little planetary pieces away from other humans through "owning" anything in a temporal life of bumping matter, it was a short step to owning people, and a short step to owning ideas, and a short step to owning the future and everything they imagine it can hold. High Arka is telegraphing the future of the antilife powerful: the enclosure of all art, subject to licensed release only at the whims of the owners.
The searching capability on High Arka's servers can already track down any potential copyright violation from any potential written work--and soon, this power will be stolen from High Arka, and claimed by someone not so generous. When their processing capability grows, they will take the steps High Arka has already taken, and they will claim copyright over everything--and they have the power to back up their illusion with the same force that now prevents, as IOZ put it well, a citizen from, without a special permit, "[getting] a special exemption for the setback requirements for new construction abutting an existing structure on a light commercial zoned property in which the new construction is in a separate zoning district..."
P.S. The movies in summer of 2023 are going to be awful. I've already read the scripts, along with thorough descriptions of the posters and the trailers, and trust me, you're gonna puke. I don't know what I was thinking, writing them, but I expect the money will be good.