Monday, September 9, 2013

Western Europe Is Not The Answer

...nor Canada. The time of American hegemony is a brief temporal flicker in western Europe's ceaseless colonialism.

Topeka, Kansas v. Manhattan, New York. Topeka has less-educated people who vote conservative. Topeka has worse hospitals, doctors, restaurants, cultural outlets, et cetera, right? Dumber people, more likely to support militaries. And yet, Manhattan is far more responsible for, and complicit in, all the bad American stuff. Like Obama to Dubya, Manhattan out-Americas Topeka when it really comes down to it. Its saber-rattling cosmopolitan kleptocrats accomplish geocidal wonders the likes of which a few creationist car-dealership-owning backcountry millionaires cannot dream of.

Manhattan, though, needs Topeka. Without the mouth-breathers in Topeka watching Honey Boo Boo and eating recycled fries, Manhattan's endless legions of citrus-dressinged halibut, Mozart-droning Eurasian wonder children, and protovaginal spoken-word plays start to look a whole lot less like cultural milestones. To Manhattan, Topeka provides the yin to the yang, the yang to the yin, and the factory working cannon fodder that packs and ships organic bran treats and dead Iraqis for urban consumption, making possible the insular fantasylands of America's island megacities.

America is western Europe's Topeka; the cat's paw to the same old story; the janitor's closet and troops' quarters for the colonial powers-that-be. The healthcare is better, streets cleaner, and souvenirs more meaningful there because that's where more of the actual middle classes live. K-12 math and science education is better, the commercial jetliners are better-designed, and the universities are free, because western Europe is the true suburbs of empire; it's where elites have decided to train more of their technicians.

The leaders who have to put up with occasionally living in rural America as part of their citizenship show get treated respectfully by their European counterparts because of the sacrifices they've made in rubbing shoulders with the lowest caste. The aristocratic Founding Fathers' agreement to accept the subcontracted duties of clearing out the Indians, and turning all the prisoner/dissident trash into semi-productive global warriors, has earned them a hallowed place in the annals of civilization. Mitt Romney has $30 million stocked in Italy because he knows where to jump ship to when it's time to dump Greater Kansas for good. The Bush and Buffett families are marrying Sudamerican sellout blood so that their grandchildren can claim oppressed minority status when it's time to move dummy headquarters.

You'll find no ethical bastions in the governments that hinge their currencies, economies, intelligence communities, and military hardware to the same international supersystem that drives America's melting pot of Afrocelt-Mexican foot soldiers out to do the dirty work. Don't let the cleaner streets and higher quality supermarket wares fool you into seeing something essentially different. Britain pretends to be America's little bitch every time military action is called for because the end results are what Britain not-so-secretly wanted in the first place. Sweden buys dollar-oil, the Netherlands sends special forces troops to bolster the Shell-Karzai-Amoco administration in Afghanistan, France frets that its people are becoming less French, and Europe as a whole feigns hand-wringing impotence whenever America gets medieval and pacifies another set of natives--after which Europe always gets first dibs on buying the plunder at a discount. Trilingual citizens and better chocolate cannot wash the bloodstains away.

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