Thursday, January 2, 2014

Bad disguises and roomed elephants

Ashley Madison is a Madame. That became apparent when we ran the numbers.

John Cracked is working for the secret police, and Face Q. Book is suffering from amacrological Tourettes. The more convinced we become of the latter, the less we seem to believe in the former two, as though serving horse manure inside a nutella jar will make discount toast taste better. As we all know, humor has never been a powerful political force, nor a way of making people rationalize eating shit. Next up on cracked, the top 10 reasons poor people are poor, followed by 6 insoluble proofs your life is an empty glass. As long as "motherfucking" appears at least 3 times in each article, it exhibits such effrontery that it can't possibly be taken seriously.

In other news, that insolent turd Roeper has a problem with Jodie Foster's acting in Elysium, because he considers it impossible to believe that a politician could ever actually behave in a self-interested way that shows a disregard for human lives. No surprises there; the venal cavities on that postdated Garfunkel-style replacement marionette are so swollen with monopoly money that it's hard to tell where one agenda begins and the other ends, so he knows to venerate the venerable--underpinnings of movie profit culture, that is--even when it means criticizing the occasional light-protest movie. Because America isn't a floating paradise in the sky, and it's not actually about Mexicans trying to get there so much as it is Mexicans trying not to starve either here or there. But still, Glenn G. Roeper is offended, which as we all know is necessary for his 95% of other moments of non-offense to keep pushing product.


  1. But, but, but, calling "Elysium" "light protest" is way too kind... It turned out the whole problem was... a buggy computer program. Silicon valley can fix that for sure!

    1. teehee. Given how philosophically valuable District 9 was, the Elysium director probably meant well. The computer program wasn't actually buggy; it was the idiot humans who coded it that were--that was probably what he meant by that. The existence of such a program, though, was an unfortunate attempt to jam a hopeful ending onto the rear of a movie that raised more issues than it had time to cover in an hour-forty.