Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Whole Oats

Article about Whole Foods' stock price dropping based on organic price competition at other retailers.

What a load of shit. The FTC (the most ineffective federal agency known to man a stealthily effective market comptroller) killed a Wild Oats/Whole Food pairing over "antitrust concerns" (again employing the vernacular: lmfao) at the very same time as every other major grocery retailer in the country was filling their shelf space with the same $16.99/box granola-colored wheat-sugar hybrid breakfast cereal that Whole Foods had to sell. (Editor's note: this means that there was no legitimate antitrust concern, since you could get the exact same products and services at independent retailers across the country, inasmuch as we consider anything "independent.")

In both foresight and hindsight, it's apparent that the FTC was paid off by Walmart to kill the deal so that Walmart could partner with Wild Oats instead, leveraging the brand power to put sorta-organic products beneath its own sketchy sans serif produce signs. Which reminds us of the real purpose of government agencies, doesn't it? To enforce selective punishment by obtuse fiat, while maintaining a track record of ludicrous incompetence that gives one plausible deniability when discussing whether they're unfairly idiotic by chance, or by design.

With delightful irony, it's sort of the opposite of the creationist argument: where creationists say, "The Earth is so perfectly positioned that it's clear it was done on purpose, therefore there is a God," neoliberals say, "The government is so incompetent it's clear it is not being controlled by an intelligent creator, therefore there are no conspiracies."

Golly shucks, Dubya, you thoughtless chimp--you had all the twin tower metal disposed of so quickly we couldn't study it to see how low-burning jet fuel managed to weaken it beyond decades of earthquake and fire science. And those dunces at the FTC, huh! They used antitrust law to shut down a joint corporate venture, only to later approve of the single biggest retailer in the entire country getting control of one of the shut-out brands (Walmart/Wild Oats)! Holy moley, what weirdness! Spin your right index finger around your ear, people; the lord works in mysterious ways, and what a wacky, completely random game board we have here. What are those clowns thinking?

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