Sunday, August 17, 2014

Ms. Palestein Lay in Hospice

I don't think you realize how hard this is on all of us.

We don't know exactly when you're going to die. To have it hanging over our head like that, never knowing when it's going to happen; it's just really hard on us.

I don't think you appreciate the stress it causes us. When this whole thing lasted longer than two weeks, we really lost our patience. It could've been wrapped up so nicely, and thank goodness it wasn't, but it's been such a great stress wondering when it's going to happen.

We are revitalized by your strength in hanging on, just hanging on like that for so long, how long do you think it will be and how are you feeling? You don't realize the stress it puts on us, having to wait for you to go. Imagining all those nasty things inside you, seeing you like that, and contemplating you not being around anymore, is hard on all of us. Please appreciate that.

That's all they can tell you? You're serious? That's really all they can tell you? Why didn't you ask them about the other thing? How could you not have realized you should've asked about that? Here we are doing our best to help you, and you didn't ask them about the things we needed to know to do our best. I don't think you realize how hard you make it on all of us to go through this, and the least you could do is be less selfish and help us out.

We were thinking of doing some fun stuff, but we made the sacrifice and didn't because we were concerned about you. We wanted you to know we'd be right here to check up on you whenever you needed it. Don't you think it's sad that we haven't been able to do what we would've preferred while we waited for you to, you know, do your thing? Already?

When you talk about the future, will you stop talking about things as though they might not include you? It's selfish of you to constantly barrage people with reminders of your condition. Will you stop avoiding talking about the future? It's selfish of you to not have realistic discussions about our future plans. When you talk about the future, will you please stop acting like everything's okay and nothing's changed? It's selfish and immature of you to pretend that there isn't something real, there, that might happen to you. It's a sign of avoidance. It stresses us out and breaks our hearts and we care so much about you that we just can't deal with it.

You really are a selfish person. Most people in your situation would've been gone already, but there you are, enduring, as it were. You don't seem to appreciate all we've done for you while we're waiting for it to happen. We've gotten together several times to talk about how your condition has made you fail to appreciate us. How could you be so selfish? After all we've done for you. We've suggested things for you to ask them about, and we've had you explain to us in triplicate all of the things they've told you, and we've analyzed those things and speculated on how stressful they must be for all of us. We've pointed out where they've been incomplete or wrong. We've been here to support you and tell you how much we'll miss you. And we will miss you. Will you let us miss you, already?

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