Anybody who knows anything about American history knows that if it wasn't for slavery, the Civil War might never have happened. It’s a basic fact that any African American will point out for you, because it marked the start of the black community and others having the same rights as everybody else.
I really like that one, and not even because of the lack of conditional tense cognizance... "[T]he start of the black community and others having the same rights as everybody else." Civil War, right? Funny, how everyone acts like the Civil War was so important. It's an act of penultimate white supremacism to say that the Civil War was about freeing blacks, when it was really a war between two wealthy criminal cartels over how to divide up the land they had just stolen from Mexico, as well as the land they were in the ongoing process of stealing from Indians. So, Jim Crow + Chinaman's Chance + Operation Wetback + Ku Klux Klan. How many things can possibly be wrong with that, especially since, if we're cheering for these heroic upper middle class white kids and their Advanced Placement history-class strike, we're probably aware that women's suffrage was somewhere around 1920, which is a good deal after the Civil War, and we may even have favorably viewed The Help, and realized that, even without formal Jim Crow, all people didn't have "the same rights as everybody else" in 1865. It's approaching, but not nearly equaling, George Takei levels of narcissistic callousness to celebrate the Civil War as proof positive that America had learned anything, let alone its lesson; it's equally stupid to accept slavery--the WMD of 1861--as the rationale for how a bunch of central bankers wanted to revamp the American economy while keeping America from interfering in the Napoleonic depopulation of Europe.
After all, do you know how many Mexicans that the good Democrat James Polk murdered? How many children he trampled under horses; how many families he robbed and raped and drove into the desert to starve? In his own words, the only thing Lincoln cared about was "the Union," e.g., the central banking houses being able to maintain federalized control over independent states, so that additional territories would be eligible to provide troops for massacring Filipinos in a couple decades. We need that tin and rubber for the next European depopulation, people! Move, move!
And yet, on the other side are these Peggy Noonan-ish morans on the "school board" (shudder) who think that the best way to address history is to openly dress it up. It's like they didn't get the memo that successful tyrants must modernize by loudly confessing past misdeeds while repeating them; like they still believe that the best way to drain taxes from a few hundred million idiots is to ply explicit, rather than implicit, group divisions.
At a higher level, why do we even know about this? Because, of course, it simmers everyone down a little bit, after Ferguson™, to show pictures of white people advocating, in some hypoeffective yet strident way, for something to do with prior racism. We've all sort of agreed that we'll mention The Civil War™ whenever there's racial tension, so it doesn't matter that Darren Wilson got a paid vacation for never learning how to use command presence, because some white girl in the Rockies wants to be told just how bad she was in a past life. The little wunderkids already know everything they need to know about the Civil War, of course--that's why they're protesting, because they were denied the chance to redeem themselves in a phony guilt-fest that will help them believe everything has changed in the past century and a half. They're protesting because they've been denied the right to watch Roots and Glory, and engage in a public penitence that will make everything better without having to donate Mommy's 529 plan to some scary black guy on the street, who probably listens to music that objectifies women anyway.
Imagine the alternate reality where it turned out that Michael Brown was gay, or better yet, the one where it turned out that we just believed he was. All of a sudden, the Collective American Consciousness is gleefully cheering over George Takei's ten thousand latest snappy memes, most of which portray Klingons in pink tutus on the streets of Ferguson™, being arrested by cops who resemble The Bad Colonel In American Beauty. Takei orders a million lgbt activists to walk across the State of Missouri, Darren Wilson is in prison, TV anchors are making clever jokes about what he's getting in the shower in recompense for his crimes, the Huffington Post produces article after article describing how modern police training leads to homophobia, and Congress spends two months and two billion dollars contracting with the Michael Brown Foundation For Gay Youth to adjust the advised curriculum in police academy training nationwide. (And, needless to say, HKTDC sells warehouses full of the new pink/brown "support" ribbon, which Sulu wears in place of his Starfleet pin at next year's Comic-Con International.)
Merely black? Not good enough--we're bored of that story. America's Stasi can openly gun down 500 civilians a year, and no one important cares, but if it's rumored that Putin said something bad about gays, the celebrity mouthpieces activate themselves and set about whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Either that, or they're busy mourning Robin Williams. Be honest with yourselves: you cared more about the genie from Aladdin than you did about the latest African-American 80-year-old some SWAT team killed during a no-knock marijuana possession raid on the wrong apartment, didn't you? Don't feel bad, 'cause you're not alone. It is imperative, imperative, that we find a way to address this depression issue: one that does not involve contemplating the pressures of living in even one of the nice parts of this noxious war zone. The DC cartel killed Michael Brown because he resisted being kidnapped off the street by an armed man who wanted to steal $500 from him for the crime of jaywalking; remember that the next time you contemplate trying to argue your way out of a $300 ticket for making an unapproved U-turn on an empty street. It isn't that more blacks are more erratically violent; it's that more whites are such conformist wusses, too cowardly and inculcated in injustice to protest when some parasitic thug shows up to wave a gun and take their money for violating an arbitrary revenue standard. Maybe it's because they have less property to lose, and maybe it's just because they're racially superior, but black men seem more willing to follow Thomas Jefferson's advice about being willing to protect human dignity and a decent society than do white men, who are being completely honest when they say they don't understand why it's such a big deal to be stopped and genitally groped by teams of blueshirt thugs on their way to Atlanta. The Powers That Be can even shoot down unarmed WASP male active-duty military personnel without achieving a single white-majority protest march, but mention "Climate Change" and white people dutifully buy plane tickets (sic) and throng the streets of Manhattan.
(The Thin Blue Liners are even busy shooting each other, a good demonstration of how demons suffer as much in Hell as the people they're supposedly supervising.)
The future of censorship clearly isn't in the actual scrubbing, or the avoidance of topics, oh no. The paper shredder overheats halfway through even one textbook. The key is to talk about all these things, in the open, with such mangled interpretations that no one understands. Ergo we celebrate our openness for acknowledging how glorious we are for holding a Civil War, immediately after killing hundreds of thousands of Mexicans and immediately prior to killing millions of Mesoamericans and southeast Asians. Who cares if such things are relegated to a paragraph or two, so long as we set aside at least three class periods to watch Denzel Washington bond with Matthew Broderick? "Oh, but the buffalo soldiers don't have good shoes, sir!" "Well, go get them, Private! And on your way back, whip a hundred wetbacks to death and sell their children to the copper mines!"
Dental plan. Lisa needs braces. Dental plan. Lisa needs braces. Dental plan. Lisa needs braces.
Thank God for the Indians, because if they hadn't taken so long to die, the U.S. might've invaded Korea before 1871. Yet again, there are no plans for constructing a Tribal Holocaust Memorial on the national mall, but when they're skipping class to protest a lack of coverage of General Grant The Genocidal Madman's victories over the mint julep crowd, Colorado students can always go to their teevees to watch a baseball team named after the mineral-rich region the Ute tribe used to control.