Friday, January 9, 2015

Blogging

Yesterday for breakfast, I made Omelets Kiev with a sprinkling of organic pesto and chanterelle mushrooms (recipe), because I heard that's a good way to get your page views up. I used the recipe provided by my good friend Lisa, who I linked to in last year's fourth annual Fashion Blog Co-link Fest; Lisa, as you all may know, is a master chefess who goes unappreciated in her time (thanks for another big win, Honeykins!).

Mostly, this is just a collection of rants and observations, a little silly at times. You can find the forum rules here. I encourage open debate in every conceivable way, although I don't tolerate things which are flat-out wrong, so be prepared to be deleted if you haven't read the rules here. Basically, I try to observe things that I notice in the real world, and write them down, one day at a time, four years going strong, and I'm sorry I haven't been updating things enough lately because I've been busy with my dog and my boyfriend and this one problem I had with the mailman.

Basically what I try to do is share the thoughts that bounce around in my head. The things I think while I stare at the world. The comments of a crackpot. Just having fun, being serious, trying to lighten the mood with some quirky observations while adding honest insight and a frank look at the news that doesn't get covered, in conjunction with a critical analysis of the drivel the mainstream media feeds us.

Anyway, after the Omelets Kiev were finished, I had to bundle up the little monsters to get them to the bustop (EDIT: OMG I TOTALLY WROTE THAT THE FIRST TIME! I MEAN "BUS STOP" PPL!), but of course, we were snowed in again, so I told hubby to get out the shovel. Then Jim from the across the street came over, you all remember Jim, with a few helpful words of prayer but no help with the shovel.

Finally I get the kids on the bus and then go in to do some blogging, only to remember I have to vacuum first, because Alfred is shedding way too early for the tenth year in a row. Newer readers, take note: Alfred is not my brother-in-law, who's saying with us until he gets back on his feet, but it's what we named the dog before the crash even happened.

And then the Hoover broke! I called Target, but model L-1011 apparently needs a special kind of belt that of course can only be shipped from Buffalo, so I'm on the phone two hours and get no relief. In short, do not buy an L-1011 ever!

Blogging Bi-Weekly says it helps to connect with your readers to offer helpful links, so click here to read my L-1011 Amazon review. My page views went way up the time I shared my recipe to duplicate a Starbucks Mochaccino cupcake so it tastes exactly like it tastes in the store--nearly twice the views the clip of my last fall's proctologist appointment got. I'm in negotiations right now with Target to put up banner ads in exchange for three solid product reviews a week, which hubby explained to me last night would actually only benefit them, since I'd have to write the reviews in the first place, and in the second place, their main page wouldn't even link back to mine out of courtesy! Which is completely wrong, since NPR did a story on me the last time my vacuum broke, and believe me, with my 500,000 daily page views, I was Dirt Devil's worst enemy that day (and I haven't forgotten about the shipping charges, you bums!).

What most people don't realize about celebrities is that, when you seek the attention of a celebrity, you're not actually interested in the celebrity, but rather, in the fact that people might associate you with the celebrity. It's like the time I saw George Clooney in a restaurant, I had him sign something so I could prove to other people I saw him; it was only years later when I realized that I had objectified him in my mind, and that I couldn't care less about anything he said unless it was about me. Even though he's the one guy I totally respect.

With the vacuuming done it was finally time to get to blogging. I set up the webcam, found out Pseudonymous Hubby had done the duct tape wrong, and wasted a half hour fixing that while I had Fox and CNN competing from different sides of the room. It turned out that, actually, Brit Hume (is that short for something?) and Connie Chung (is that still her name?) actually have pretty similar opinions. It was kind of eerie, though, how they seemed to be looking at each other from the flatscreens on two sides of the room. I mean, they can't possibly have filmed it that way by accident.

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