Sunday, June 14, 2015

The Not-Black Black Thing

Blah blah blah, minstrel shows, jazz, the Kansas City Chiefs, and wiggers...

It's long been popular for the white upper classes to transform themselves into any mutilated subgroup with desirable categories. White people managed to implant themselves into all the Abramic religions, and now Saudi Arabia, Rome/UK/US, and of course Israel, are all run by different groups of white people pretending to be, respectively, Muslims/Christians/Jews.

Why shouldn't white people also get to become sub-Saharan blacks? For over two thousand years, they've been able to be everything else.

How long before the surgical singularity arrives? Rich white guys can become minorities now by boffing a few twinks or claiming "Jewish" heritage, which makes them immediately (1) oppressed, (2) hip, and (3) politically astute, even if they're just yet another asshole grad student with a trust fund and a job with daddy's friends at the foundation.

We could base reality on historical records, so that if I transform myself into a gay black wheelchair user, anyone could google me and find out that I was really nothing of the kind. But if we combine the corporate media with the surgical singularity, any transition we make will include a retroactive adjustment of our records. One day I'm a Pacific Islander, the next I'm a Sephardic Jew. A few insurgents might be puzzled when they see me the next day and remember I used to be someone else, but when our memories have all been stored in the cloud, we'll be able to revise those before they can be reaccessed. Before long, we won't even know that there was a time before the cloud; a time when something other than the present meant anything. We will live in the eternal now, constantly redefining the now to suit ourselves, becoming alternately victims and oppressors, tops and bottoms, whenever it suits us.

There'll be no place for The Net anymore. If you ever do become an Enemy of the State, you'll simply cease being an enemy of the state instantly, and never remember that you were one or could later be one. The cloud can be constantly revised for maximum safety. No regrets; no fears. Vanity Fair won't just be a magazine any longer; it'll be your very own memories. Why bother arguing about whether or not 2 + 2 = 5 when 2 + 2 has always equaled 5? The futurologists of the past have clearly over dramatized the conflict between truth and madness. Truth will be madness, and madness will be truth. There will be no grand arena, no skillful duel, and no decisive battle between the forces of good and evil. There will be no quiet despair and no legion of rebelling brothers. No boot on a face. The future will instead be a milquetoast sadness of no real character one way or the other, fairly indistinguishable from the past or present except by the design of the technology which establishes the cloud of agreed-upon memories. Only an uncertain feeling of an unsettled something will whisper at what lies beyond.


  1. "Fight Club" for some reason gets a bad rap among the enlightened set, but here it is again:

    "You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled"

    I just got my socks issue handled (31 pairs, exactly the same model and color). I'll be damned if it doesn't feel empowering, uh-oh!

    1. Don't tell me you just bought socks...don't you know the Google Sock is coming out in only three months?!