Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Plaques and Pots

You can all but kill a flower, then stick it into an iron lung of sorts on your patio or breakfast bar, cramping its roots into a pot of limited size, watering and trimming it, and keeping it zombie-alive for a very long time to appreciate its, err, colors; shape; smell...?

That's old news. But how long will it be before a hunter can all but kill a moose, cut its head off, and mount it on a nutrient platform that keeps the head "alive" for a very long time to appreciate its colors, shape, smell, noises, etc.?

All of these little flowers, tugged out of the ground and brought into tiny flower-terrariums in people's apartments, looking so terribly pretty, so longingly beautiful, as they imitate what it means to actually be a flower. Alive, but not alive; free to grow, but not actually free to grow. As soon as we can upgrade our technology from "flower pot" to "moose pot," when I visit hunters, there will be this severed moose head attached beautifully to the wall, grunting and horking and making moose sounds, attached to neurons that plug into the house's electrical power system to keep its mind and fur fresh, so that everyone can appreciate exactly how beautiful moose truly are.

"Oh, is that an eastern Canadian?" "Yeah, I got it at the Trader Joe's. Fresh caught." "Oh, those last a long time if you charge them every week." "Yeah, I know. We had one a few years back that used to make the neatest little sounds...remember, honey?" "Can't we just get some squirrels? Moose are so expensive."

5 comments:

  1. What about the artificial flowers? My mother in law has them all over the place. It kinda looks ok if you don't look too closely, then all of a sudden the entire house looks like a junk yard. But then if she removes them all, it would be too obvious that the entire house is a shitty cheap box, even though it costs half a million or something

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    1. Artificial flowers...how refreshingly honest. A step closer, at least. All of the fakeness, none of the suffering.

      Except for the Chinese kids with their hands caught in the machines, but forget that, because the synthetic material means no plants were harmed during the making of this decoration.

      The logical next step is to remove the fake flowers and replace them with plastic skeletons. Wait until November 1st for bargain pricing.

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  2. I'm caught up in Syrian plight higharka. Where are you in all of this? I am convinced that the Assad regime is complete arse and murderous, and has been for some forty years. But there is encroachment upon my bike lane... Aaaaaaaah

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    1. Oh, but of course you have an opinion on Syria, you entitled, racist, incompetent upper middle class bitch! Let's "progress" these motherfuckers (as one of my ex-friends says).

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    2. I feel it is incumbent upon us all to agree that tyrants like Assad and ISIS are all created by a combination of our reliance on internal combustion and our reluctance to shop at Trader Joe's. Napa Valley wines are just as good as French ones so stop being so snobby and buy some Napa Pinot to save the world! I think.

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