Wednesday, July 6, 2016

News, News, and More News

Reports indicated that he was able to keep the details of the attack hidden from the I.M.S. because he only discussed the matter during extended sexual sessions with one or more of the alleged co-perpetrators. This blind spot has been exploited repeatedly by people smugglers and tax avoiders in multiple jurisdictions, many of whom reportedly transmit almost zero waking data to I.M.S. observors as a consequence of having their genitals constantly stimulated by low-grade electrical fields designed specifically to trick citizens' iBrains into a "sexual privacy" zone where transmittal is permitted to cease.

Attorney General Ramirez spoke to the press yesterday. Even through zir hoverchair's shield generators, zir emotion was evident, though hardened by zir passion to guard decent citizens against future atrocities. "The Founders didn't intend for this to happen," zhe said in a prepared statement. "'Persons, papers, and possessions' means tangible things, not just thoughts [or] perceptions, and that's exactly what the Ideatic Monitoring System is designed to protect against. We cannot [continue allowing] this to be exploited."

Criminologists have long known that even petty criminals may resort to autoerotic behaviors in preparation for their own crimes, such as discussing likely targets for mugging or rape while manually stimulating themselves behind cover. "Basically, if they're thinking about sex, we're blind," said Chief Jean Smith of the Santa Clintona P.D. "We work with the I.M.S. to try to anticipate likely scenarios where perpetrators could be deliberately blanking out transmittal to discuss criminal acts, but it's very hard."

Representatives from the National Genital Association issued a statement of grief and mourning for the victims of last Thursday's attack, but vowed to continue fighting any legislation that would permit I.M.S. officers to view and record data from any time that should be "between only a partner and zir spouse or spouses." Nonetheless, Thursday's attack has strengthened the resolve of Mx. Ramirez, the ADL, and the Ultraviolet Coalition to call for an expansion to existing recording requirements.

Senator Hallard, who has an "A+" sexual privacy rating from the NGA, said that a lot of the recent proposed legislation makes sense. "I've spoken with many I.M.S. agents, and they see so many things on the average day that they really don't care about focusing on the details of what you're doing with someone in the bedroom. Many of the new laws merely let server agents process thought and visual data, not sensation, so there's no need to worry about sensual privacy. As long as you're not discussing a terror attack during sex, nothing will be flagged and none of your iBrain's systems will be altered in any way."



  1. Haha yes....

    However: the Americans have stockpiled so much guns and ammo, that at this point it does seem qualitatively impossible to reverse the tide. Obviously, most are sheep that cannot even use it, much less dare to do so, but still - imagine the logistical nightmare when you have more than one gun for every man, woman, child, senior, and lesbian in this country...

    Instigating a race war would be a much easier way to solve both problems.

  2. Turkey 13 must be a wizard at sophistry with such a claim, essentially implying he/she/it can demonstrate 1st A provision fidelity and other-monitoring activity simultaneously.

    Either that, or just someone who doesn't really know the 1st Amendment's text or history.

  3. Over in post-Brexit-land, they know it's technology that saves people from other people. Not human behavior and social norms, personal interaction boundaries, etc. Technology.