Thursday, December 22, 2016

Buttafuoco Cox Knobwood Dickinson

I've always wondered: if I lived in an alternate reality, where English were extremely similar to English here but for two slight differences, and my time-honored family surname were "Rapeschildren," and, due to some small coincidence or conflict of realities, English there suddenly became identical to English here...how long would it take me to change my name? Would I hold out proudly for a generation or ten, believing the association was illusory in the face of an immemorial genetic line? If I were "John Rapeschildren," would I pretend that no one in real life actually said, "I'm going to the john," or, "Stay away from him; he rapes children"? Would I write angry letters to Oxford every year? Or would I just shrug and say, "Grow up," every time someone told me, "You know, they just convicted another priest in Albany for ten counts of your name?"

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