Last-current-year article about an Israeli caught walking out of an apartment in America with a little girl.
Would that excuse fly with you? It's the perfect excuse for a person to have ready if they are caught breaking into an apartment and trying to walk out with a kid. It has lots of little problems, but it's still probably the best kind of excuse to come up with. Alcohol isn't a hallucinogen. Cohen was clever enough to get into the unit without waking the people who lived in it or the neighbors, so his extreme drunken confusion doesn't work. No thumping or fumbling to begin with. When caught, Cohen has a perfect but non-plausible excuse that seems like it is designed to shield him in every way possible. The "midget" part of the story can trick people into not suspecting he wanted the kid because it was a kid. Haha, what a clown, he's just a lovable drunk who thought it was a midget, nothing to see here. The reporters are careful to add the cleanup details later, like how Cohen's shoes and passport are now to be found in an evidence locker, marked as "found onsite," clearly proof that he wasn't intending to disappear anyone.
Great touch having that marked as found later on, once he's been processed and his things have gone into evidence. A tiny adjustment to the evidence by more experienced senior lawmen who work with these kinds of things nationwide, and the question of intent vanishes like Cohen almost did. This is an example of just a tiny part of just one narrative being more powerful than a hundred gunmen. A great actor, who can disparage himself distractingly as part of a prepared explanation; who argues against the burglary charge rather than risking calling attention to the real charge by defending against that one...from an evil perspective, you've gotta admire that. Get some new papers, a little accent training, and that one will be useful again in plenty of venues. No need to retire to teaching just yet.
There are x thousand or x million kids that disappear every year. Even the Patriot Act CIA and the Iraq War News acknowledge that. Some smaller percentage of those missing kids disappear from first world nations. Apparently it is easier for them to disappear from war-torn regions, but some still do disappear from the U.S. If, on his way from the kid's bedroom to the front door, Cohen had been able to calm the kid down, the kid would just be a missing child, and no one would ever know what had happened. There'd be a few fliers, maybe a TV interview, they'd question the relatives and neighbors, some pictures on cartons of milk, and then life would go on.
I'm not saying I believe in any of the stupid impossible conspiracy theories that the WMD Buy A New Car Vote Now News tells me are definitely not true. Not at all. But just hypothetically, say there were evil people in the world who for some reason wanted not just money and power, but children. And assume that every year x thousand kids disappear from places with accessible police forces. And assume that it's inevitable that, every so often, someone who picks up new pizza in these places gets noticed by some nobody voter, and the local police were called and made a file on it already. If a person were both really evil, and really clever, how could he make sure that the situation got handled with a minimum of trouble?
Really, what beautiful malevolence. Stop to smell the roses. Just imagine someone breaking into an apartment and picking up a two-year-old and walking out with it. He gets noticed, drops the kid and runs, and doesn't make it back to his flight to Tel Aviv so that the family can report a white suspect and the investigation can be dropped after an hour, err, I mean, a couple weeks. It's so obvious what he was doing, what was going on, that things look bleak for our vile heroes. But then imagine Cohen, the studly champion, in the custody of a bunch of goy cops in a university town, who think they're listening to yet another clown tell a story about being drunk and confused, and completely eating it up, and the story holds in the papers, and bam, no one notices. It's like watching someone sell rust-proofing-spray on the underside of the car; like going back in time to see an inquisitor burning a young Spanish girl alive for casting magic spells, or a traveling preacher selling $1.00 bottles of tonic to pioneers on the Oregon Trail. If you're going to Moscow, visit the Cathedral and the Kremlin; if you're going to Paris, see the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower; if you're going to 2017, read some corporate news of this variety. When in Rome. It's disgusting; it's so obvious; it's embarrassing and inconceivable and asylumizing to watch it work on a bunch of people who probably had someone read them "The Emperor's New Clothes" at least a few times when they were kids, but by God, this is a certain historical period and what could characterize it better than seeing such a master at work?
Anyway, I'll close with more serious world news from a respectable mainstream source.